The scrumptious soul: Do we find each other more delicious over a shared meal?

On a never ending journey with food, as a novice, as a mom, as a restaurant owner, as a chef, and as someone who needs to eat every day to survive, I frequently wonder why food is constantly left out of the conversation. I am unsure when it is ever irrelevant, after all, it is the source of our survival. In my journey as an art gallery owner, IT Director for a non-profit, Director of Operations for disaster catering, restaurant owner, web-designer, project manager, sales manager, bartender, researcher, waitress, hostess, office manager to smoothie girl food has always been at the center of all of my success. My relationship with food and my understanding of how transformative it can be for others is the one consistent throughout my 42 years. If humans are social creatures focused on survival, than meals together are more pivotal to our human history and our future than we ever give them credit for.

Our entire lives are shaped by the ecosystem of food production and consumption that swirls around us every second of the day. Food equity, scarcity, abundance, waste, production, storage, transportation, and cost are buzz words that never seem to leave the news cycle for long. In addition, our daily conversations are peppered with the topic of food as well; what's for dinner, where to eat, what's on the grocery list, who's cooking, and of course, who's cleaning up. Food is central to our success as a species, perhaps it needs to be given credit for its many other contributions. 

Centralizing chefs has been a part of my business design since I became an entrepreneur in 2013 and much of the success of my events, companies, and consensus building activities have placed food as a central tenant. Showing the artistry of chefs at my gallery openings led to more engaging events, more news coverage, and significantly higher than expected art sales. My work in consensus building over issues such as race, food equity, and workers rights have always been centered around meals. The most impressive triumphs of communication I have ever witnessed are mediated discussions over a meal, where two distinct adversaries find consensus, respect, and even friendship. 

Food is powerful. 

Studies such as Mudrick et al.'s consistently acknowledge the importance of meal times in conflict resolution as we raise our children (2023). Should we continue to implement this strategy throughout our lives and in all types of relationships? Behavioral studies so frequently explore the environments and causes behind social connection and conflict resolution, but rarely do these studies evaluate how the mere presence of a meal can have measurable impact on interpersonal communication. Dowler et al. explored some of these concepts in their paper on reconnecting biological and social relationships via food. However, their research was observational (2009) and I believe there is measurable science behind consensus building and food ways.

At the heart of a meal is shared sustenance and shared survival. The way humans engage in meal sharing is nearly wholly unique to our species (Alger et al., 2023). Our social habits and our relationship with food are crucial to our success and evolution; perhaps there are answers hidden in our food itself and our relationships with each other over meals that can help us solve much larger issues that we would assume. As some of us look to find connection across deeply divided groups, tapping into savory moments with each other may be the spark we are searching for.

References

Alger, I., Dridi, S., Stieglitz, J., Wilson, M. (2023, June 13). The evolution of early hominin food production and sharing. PNAS and Stanford University. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2218096120

Dowler, E., Kneafsey, M., Cox, R., & Holloway, L. (2009). Doing food differently: reconnecting biological and social relationships through care for food. Sociological Review, 57(2), 200–221. https://doi-org.uncfsu.idm.oclc.org/10.1111/j.1467-954X.2010.01893.x

Mudrick, H. B., Nelson, J. A., Pylypciw, M., & Holub, S. C. (2023). Conflict and negotiation with preschoolers during family meals. Journal of Family Psychology, 37(7), 984–992. https://doi-org.uncfsu.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/fam0001072

 

Random sauce discovery...

While cooking at my friend Paula's house I discovered something ridiculously yummy and different.  It is a sauce that kind of comes out like a chutney.  I had huge pork chops and I wanted a sauce with fruit that was kind of Asian in flavor.  I made a last minute decision at the grocery store and here is what I ended up with...

a bag of fresh cherries
a small tub of blue cheese crumbles
a jar of hoisin sauce
a jar of asian chili sauce

Let the experiment begin...

Paula was an angel and broke up/pitted all the cherries for me.  I then chopped them up and threw them into hot pan with a couple pinches of brown sugar she had layin' around.  The sugar step was improv and I don't think it was really that necessary.  Then I added 2 small spoons of chili sauce (you be the judge of how hot you like it, aka how big of a baby you are).  Sautee this all together until it starts cooking down and then lower the heat just a little and added in 2 small spoons of hoisin sauce and half the tub of blue cheese crumbles.  Cooked this mixture while stirring constantly until all the blue cheese was melted.  Voila!  Nutso Crazy Spicy Asian Cherry Blue Chutney Sauce Whatever... that's the official name.

It was delicious on pork chops and I imagine would also be on steak.  You could even put it on a chicken or turkey breast while you baked it in the oven.  Mmmmm....  Or maybe stuff a tenderloin with it.  Oh hell, bathe in it for all I care (but eat some while you do).

Smooches,
Carnapples

In between ice cream and next week

Ok, so we may still be waiting on the ice cream recipes, but I wanted to toss in an old recipe that I don't think I included and is by far one of my favorites.  The ingredient list is ridiculously simple as is the preparation... but I have never, not even once, had any leftovers.  I served it to someone who hates blue cheese, and they went back for seconds.  This baby goes over well every time and I love it.

Alright, I will get to the point.  Here is your grocery list; cherry or grape tomatoes, NY Strips (good ones), 1 container of crumbled blue cheese, balsamic vinegar, 1 container of fresh strawberries and baby spinach. Wasn't that simple?  Even my mother could figure out that ingredient list... i think.  Now that you are fully stocked, go fire up the grill.  But Carly, you say, I don't have a grill or I don't want to grill, or realistically I don't even know how to light a grill!  That's fine you can also sear the steaks in a pan then cook them in the oven till they are medium rare (medium if you're a wimp) ((if you are tempted to cook them past medium please stop reading right now because you and I will never really understand each other)).  Right before you sear or grill your steaks put what you would most likely consider to be an ungodly amount of salt and pepper on either side.  If you look ungodly up in the dictionary of Carly it means, give those bad boys a salt and pepper CRUST.  Please do not do this in advance, this is not a marinade.  If you do this and let the steaks sit at all you will do is suck all the moisture out and be left with a greyish rock, which more resembles a rotting organ than a delicious steak.  Just warning you.

While your steaks are cooking cut your strawberries into quarters and put in a pan with the entire container of blue cheese and a bunch of balsamic vinegar.  I have never once measured any of the ingredients in this recipe so I cannot help you on that level.  There needs to be enough vinegar to create a sauce, you aren't creating a reduction, just a sauce.  Put salt and cracked black pepper in here to taste.  You should cook it until all the cheese is melted and the strawberries are soft... yummmmm.....

Check your steaks...   Once they are done, pull your steaks off the grill and let them sit for a few minutes.

While they are resting, put the baby spinach on a platter and halve the tomatoes, which you will then toss onto the spinach.  Salt and pepper this as well, just a little.

Slice your steaks up and then once they are laying out all sliced and juicy, salt and pepper them again.  I know, I know, I salt and pepper every step of the way and you think I'm crazy.  What's crazy is that my food tastes better because I do this, so shut it.  I mean that with love.

Pour the warm strawberry balsamic blue cheese sauce over the steaks and let it sit for just a minute.  Now be brave and dump all of this on top of the spinach and tomatoes.  Voila!  Gigantic family style steak salad.  If you wanna change it up, sub figs for strawberries.

Toodles! Be back soon with the results of the ice cream extravaganza.

When all else fails... make ice cream

Ok, so this isn't the recipe post, this is the idea post.  It's gonna be ice cream Sunday, so I gotta come up with some good ideas.

First one is my fall back, Italian Chocolate
Second, cantaloupe ice cream with diced frozen watermelon on top and fresh mint syrup
Third, fresh stone fruit (peaches, plums, nectarines etc.) in mexican vanilla ice cream
Fourth, red velvet ice cream with cream cheese sauce
Fifth, limoncello

I will report back with how they actually turn out :-)

If you want to know what food is...

This post will be short and sweet and dedicated to SIMPLE foods, that are delicious and as close to their original state as I could get them. As you may already know I am a purist and I don't always like turning a food into something its not. These snacks are a major part of our new diet and get eaten nearly every day...

Avocado, cherry tomato and heart of palm salad. Equal parts of each, chopped, plenty of salt and pepper and a splash of good vinegar (anything but white or apple cider vinegar). Stir and enjoy.

Fruit salad - sliced strawberries, a peeled and section clementine and a sliced kiwi, drizzle with a very small amount of agave nectar. Stir and enjoy.

Thai cucumbers Carly Style - In a bowl put roughly 1/4 cup vinegar (white or red wine vinegar work well), a tablespoon of agave nectar, a big pinch of salt and a dash of soy sauce. Heat this in a pan or microwave it for 10 seconds. Stir until everything is dissolved and combined. Put aside and let cool. Slice 1 cucumber, I think english cucumbers are the best for this because they are sweeter. Dump the sliced cucumber into a zip-lock bag along with the vinegar mixture. Put this in your fridge anywhere from a few minutes up to a few days. Just eat 'em straight. I use them as a side dish with dinner, as a snack in the middle of the day or I eat them straight out of the fridge late night style.

Steamed broccoli - but Carly, you say, that is not a recipe, that is just steamed broccoli. Well if it's so damned simple that you don't need a recipe then why don't you make it more often?? If you want it to taste amazing without covering it with butter, try tossing it in a tiny bit of soy sauce and toasted sesame seeds if you have them.

Steamed asparagus, chopped and chilled, tossed with diced hearts of palm and some salt & pepper. Squeeze of lemon, if you wanna live on the edge. Pinch of dill, if you have totally lost your mind. :)

And now time for the bonus round! DING DING DING!

REAL Homemade Red Sauce - This, above all else, is the most valuable recipe to ever exist in the history of this blog. Here is the ingredient list...

6 large tomatoes

2 heads of garlic

1 onion (anything but red)

salt & pepper - freshly cracked is the best

Cooking oil - I recommend coconut oil, but you use what ever you got.

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Cut your tomatoes in half and place them flat side down on a baking sheet (one WITH sides please). Cut off the ends of your onion, peel and cut in half. Place them flat side down, nestled among your tomatoes. Plop your two garlic heads down into the mix, do not peel or cut your garlic in any way. Brush everything on your baking sheet with oil (or spray it with coconut oil if you live at my house). If you don't have a brush get a paper towel, drench it in oil and use it like a brush. Please do not pour or "drizzle" the oil on. You will use way too much. That being said, if you live in Italy and have Fantastic olive oil, drizzle away. Otherwise, it's not worth the calories. Salt and pepper these bad boys.

Toss your baking sheet into the oven and find something to do for 45 minutes to an hour. If you don't think you can find anything to do during this time try fixing the rest of your dinner, cleaning up your kitchen, doing laundry, drinking wine, drawing with crayons or reading a book. If none of those sound good you can always get your lazy butt over here and clean MY house.

Pull your well roasted veggies out of the oven and use a spatula to transfer the tomatoes to a bowl (if you don't have an immersion blender you would be transferring them to a regular blender or food processor). Please be careful, these tomatoes are insanely mushy and insanely hot. If I see even one of you discard the skin of the tomato at this point I will come to your house and smite you! Add the onion and blend away. Let the garlic cool for a moment because you have to handle them and you don't want burnt fingers. After a few minutes you should be able to pick them up. Flip them upside down and squeeze the top (which is now actually the bottom). The cloves should kind of pop out of the base fairly easily. Get 'em out however you need to. Toss the roasted, smushy garlic in and blend again. Add a healthy dose of salt and pepper and blend again (healthy AKA lots). Taste it, season again, taste it again, season it again. If you can't actually TASTE the salt and pepper you have not put enough in. Once your mixture is all seasoned and blended pour it into a pan on the stove on medium heat and cook for about 15 minutes, while stirring occasionally. You can cook it for longer if you like, it is a taste preference at this point. This stove top moment is where you can add different things depending on your mood. Herbs, a splash of balsamic vinegar, fresh basil, fresh fennel (the green part, this is one of my favorites), fresh sage, crushed/chopped good olives, a splash of wine, a splash of whiskey, a pinch of cinnamon, a pinch of curry powder if you are daring. Or you can just leave it plain and simple, which is how I roll 99% of the time. Turn off the heat and let this cool. Pour it into a mason jar or some old tupperware and VOILA! delicious red sauce. This will NOT keep forever in your fridge like that jar of pasta sauce that you bought at the store, but you made it to use it so eat it and always remember... we are supposed to embalm people with synthetic preservatives, not eat them for dinner. On a serious note, this sauce will probably last a week or two in your fridge.

If you own a spiralizer, you should spiralize a bunch of zucchini, salt and pepper it and then toss it into the pan that you heated your sauce in. Top it off with some warm sauce and heat for just a couple minutes until everything is warm. Go past a couple minutes and you have mush, so be careful. Welcome to pasta land without the pasta. Add ground turkey to the sauce and you could convert even the most hardcore BigMac addict into a lover of real food.

If you wanna know what a spiralizer is let me know. If you want to know what food is, stop eating things that do not grow.

It's been sooooo long

Ok, so I have been MIA for a while. I am still here, I made it through the holidays safe and sound, as I hope you have as well. I promise to be posting recipes and madness again shortly. I am going on a super healthy kick and I am going to attempt to come up with an unbelievable amount of unbelievably delicious recipes. Unbelievable, I know. I am creating a diet that leaves you feeling as though you are eating gourmet meals all day. At the same time the recipes will be simple and have few ingredients and many ingredients will overlap. That way you can stretch a budget and not spend hours in the kitchen. Cheap, quick, succulent and the cause of much skinniness? Impossible! Hardly...

I will post my weekly adventures on this diet and my weekly menus. I may not get super specific on every recipe, so if there is one that you want me to expand on just comment and I will go into more detail. I have three lovely ladies following me on this and eating these recipes so I have some taste testers to give me feed back as well. Sweet!

Wish me luck on my super diet, hoping to make it last a year.

Happy New Year everybody! In my opinion you should all resolve to this...

"Enchant, be beautiful and graceful, but do this, eat well. Bring the same consideration to the preparation of your food as you devote to your appearance. Let your dinner be a poem, like your dress." - Charles Pierre Monselet

Caribbean Shrimp with Broiled Asparagus

Peach and Avocado Mache Salad with Fresh Sweet Onion dressing

Skrimpy Peektures

The Cuz, luvin up on some skrimps

Pre-oven glory

Super Helper Syd

Seasoning in slow-mo

Raw skrimps n garleek

BBQ Shrimps - nola says mmmm...

Long time no see!!!!! Where have yall been?? Can I use anymore punctuation??!!!

So, BBQ Shrimp, NOLA style, no skewers needed, no grill needed, in fact there is no bbq-ing involved whatsoever. Mmmmmm.... BBQ Shrimp...

This may be the simplest recipe I ever post, so go make it right now.

Go to your nearest seafood market. Just do it, don't go to the grocery store. This whole meal is so easy that you can at least go get good shrimp. Get the biggest ones possible. When I did this I got 5 lbs of U-12. They were HUGE and there was way too much food for 4 of us. But who cares, it was delicious.

Heat your oven to 400 degrees F.

Take all your scrumptious skrimps and put them into a very large baking dish, you can split it into multiple dishes if necessary. Heads on, tails on, shells on, poop vein in tact. Anyone who is freaked out by shrimp heads and poop lines will get over it the second they taste these. And if they don't you will be excited because that means more for you.

Drizzle a good amount of olive oil over the shrimp. Then top with the following:

Pickapeppa Sauce, bout 3 shot glasses worth (you can get this at your regular grocery in the steak sauce section) - you can sub worcestershire sauce if you need to

Cajun Seasoning, lots and lots and lots

Dried Parsley, a ton, more than you think necessary, and then a little more, trust me, you cannot overdo the parsley, but if you under do it there is no fixing your dish.

Hot Sauce - i use crystal, you use whatever you like, use a lot

Cracked black pepper - again, lots

Handful of whole peppercorns if you got em layin around

Soy sauce, maybe 3-4 spoonfuls (this is your salt, so don't skimp and don't overdo it, good luck)

Ginger paste, make what looks like 2 big slugs of paste on top

4 cloves chopped garlic

2 big diced shallots (they look like brown garlic on the outside, but are like mild purple onion on the inside)

More olive oil

Now take your hands or some tongs if you are timid and toss this all together.

Top with more parsley, cajun seasoning, about a half stick of butter cut into pats, a couple more dashes of pickapeppa and a little drizzle more olive oil.

I know this dish is heavy on the oil and seasoning, but keep in mind all your skrimps still got their skins on so you need a lot to really impart all the flavors. Cover this in foil and put in the oven.

If the fact that this dish is cooked in the oven, but called BBQ Shrimp offends you in anyway, here is a solution... Light up the grill around the same time that you turned on the oven. Slice some zucchinis, yellow squash and red bell peppers into thick quarters, lengthwise. Toss in olive oil, salt and cracked black pepper. When you put the shrimp in the oven toss these onto the hot grill.

After about 15 minutes check your shrimp. Remove foil top and discard. Use your tongs to toss around the interior ones so that they all get some face time with the scorching hot oven. Depending on the size of your shrimp and the size of your baking dish, they may be done, or they may need 10-15 more minutes. After the first 15 minutes I check them every 5. Your oven is so hot that it really doesn't matter that you keep opening it, shrimp cook quickly. Once they are all pink and white they are done. Don't freak out about them not being "fully done," they will keep cooking in the hot liquid once they come out. If you leave them in the oven for too long out of some crazy fear that they aren't done "enough" you will end up with way overcooked shrimp. Be ballsy and take them out of the freakin' oven already.

Now you should have turned your veggies at some point and kept an eye on them. If you didn't do this simply because it wasn't written into the blog post than seriously, what the hell are you doing? Toss some scrumptious french bread onto the grill in large pieces. Don't cut the bread down the middle, we aren't making sandwiches. Once the bread is warm, typically 1-2 minutes. Plate it up.

The table should look like this...

Big hot liquidy dish of shrimp straight out of the oven in the center.

Plate of grilled veggies off to the side somewhere.

Everyone has a plate with a big, huge hunk of warm french bread on it.

Though it is perfectly acceptable for everyone to take some shrimp onto their own plate, please be aware that everyone should be dipping, double dipping and triple dipping their bread into the baking dish. If you aren't all friends, then why the hell did you just make them all dinner?

P.S. In the interest of safety... If you have small children or someone requiring assistance in the seats adjacent to you please be sure to properly peal your own shrimp before assisting those around you. Let them eat dippy bread while they wait. :-)

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Chicken tortilla soup... as promised by the scrumptious picture.

Ok so this is gonna be quick because it is delicious and I should share the recipe with everyone. But I warn you now, once you eat this you will never want to eat any other chicken tortilla soup ever again.

This recipe is for one big pot, but I have not made just one pot of this in ages. So go buy an extra soup pot and make two.

Cut three big fat bright red tomatoes in half an put the in a baking pan. Drizzle them with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Put this in a 400 - 450 degree oven. Yes, you are roasting you own tomatoes. No you are not allowed to use canned tomatoes in this soup. If you use canned tomatoes just go ahead and stop following my blog right now. I think I have already done this rant so I will spare you. Just roast your own tomatoes, it's really easy, really healthy and really cheap. Go to the canned tomato section of your grocer and throw all the cans on the floor, take a picture of yourself doing this and send it to me. That would make me smile.

Here is your prep to make putting it all together easy. Chop up 2-3 yellow squash, 2 zucchinis, 1 big onion, one stalk of celery and the green parts of a few green onion. Check you tomatoes, if they are wrinkly and cooked pull em out and let them sit out to cool so that you can handle them. Put a chopped onion into the bottom of your soup pot with some olive oil and heat until the onions brown a bit. Add two boxes of vegetable or chicken broth to the pot. Take 2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce out of the can and slice em up. If you have never used chipotle peppers in adobo sauce you can find it in a little can in the "International" section of your grocery. Cut the kernels off one ear of corn and set aside.

Once your tomatoes are cooled enough to handle the skins should slide ride off. You can discard these, but I throw them into a blender with a little water and then just liquify it and add it to the soup. Waste not, want not. Use your hands to mash up the tomatoes into the pot. Do this slowly and well. Take your time. Squeezing cooked tomatoes between your fingers might be one of the most fun things to do ever.

Put the sliced chipotle peppers into the pot and if it is boiling throw in your chicken. I use two boneless, skinless breasts and 4 boneless, skinless thighs. Do not cut them up, just toss them in whole. While you let this boil for a while take your corn and put it in a little pan with a little oil and start to cook it. You are kind of pan roasting the corn kernels to get tossed on top of the soup when you serve it.

Take a break, drink some wine, let the chicken burl.

Now take your drunk butt back and add the squash and zucchini. Pull out the chicken with tongs and rough chop. It should kind of fall apart a bit as you're cutting it up. Bite size pieces ppl, bite size. Return chicken to the soup. Add celery to the soup.

If you can find Menudo seasoning in the spice section at your grocery, stock up on it. If you can't get a bag of taco seasoning. At this point you will either be adding the taco seasoning, about 2/3 of the bag, or menudo seasoning, about two heaping spoonfuls. Also add a good heaping spoonful of cumin and two spoons of the adobo sauce from the can the peppers came out of.

Slice up an avocado and break out some sour cream. Slice two limes and juice them into the soup. Your soup should have been simmering to low boiling the whole time. Taste the broth, please blow on it first, I don't need a lawsuit from some crazy person who drank boiling soup. You may need to add salt at this point. Really the only way you wouldn't need to add salt is if you used the saltiest broth EVER and a bag of taco seasoning that used MSG. Yup, that's right. MSG is still in nearly everything. Read your labels. Add sea salt and cracked black pepper until the soup is uber delicious. Turn the heat off.

Take some corn tortillas and slice them into 1 inch slices. Toss these in a little oil and lots of salt and pepper. Put them on a cookie sheet or foil and bake them in a 375 degree oven for just a few minutes until they get crispy. Keep a close eye on them because it is way easier to burn these than to get them right.

Presentation...

Big bowl of soup

Top with big dollup of sour cream. Do a dollup, do do a dollup.

Sprinkle with the roasted corn

Top with sliced avocado

Sprinkle sliced green onion around the edge

Top with tortilla strips

This soup is my crowning jewel. I love it and so does everyone who tries it. Just try it, you will never look back.

Again, pardon the typos. I promise to come back and edit them out later. Much love and check out the delicious pics.

Chicken tortilla soup

Family approved. Pork Tenderloin and this recipe will be up tomorrow :-)

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let's see if my new Blogger app works

hey!

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Monkeys like pork, at least the monkeys that live in my house do...

Hey Hey Hey! Do you have monkeys to feed? No? Well, you should. Because there are starving monkeys out there and you should be doing your part to help. Here is how you can.

Fuji Apple Jalapeño Marinated Pork Tenderloin with Caramelized Spanish Onion, Caprese Orzo and Soy Brussels Sprouts. Monkeys loooooove brussels sprouts.

See!

Well, here is the how to help. Chop up a big ole spanish onion, I used a red one, you can use an neon orange one for all I care, just pick the coolest looking onion in the grocery. And if you have never examined all the onions to find which one is coolest than grocery shopping with you is no fun. If you ever see anything in the produce aisle that just looks cool, buy it. You buy your clothes because they look cool, why are you so dull when it comes to food? Take your super cool onion and slice it up. Toss it into a pan on medium heat with a decent amount of olive oil, add salt and pepper. This pan will sit on medium heat for the entire time, onions take a long time to caramelize properly. You are not trying to burn them or make them crispy, you are trying to slow cook them and make them mushy and yummy. You will be periodically adding liquid to this pan to keep them soft. I go between water and apple juice, but you can use whatever liquid you like. Just don't let the pan get dry. You add enough liquid to just cover the bottom of the pan and let it boil off slowly. Be patient this does not happen quickly. As you get used to doing this you may become more like me, I am constantly adding different amounts of liquids, adjusting the heat so that the liquids concentrate faster or slower. I will get impatient, add a little too much liquid, turn the heat up high to boil it off, then turn it down super low and let the pan dry out to get more caramelization and repeat. There is not much method to the madness.

In the Apple Juice post I talk about the marinade for the pork tenderloin, now that the pork has sat overnight you can dump the entire pork tenderloin and the marinade into a small baking dish. Small is better because it keeps the moisture level high on the tenderloin. Everyone (and by everyone I most certainly mean you) has eaten dry, over cooked pork. It is impossible to over cook the pork in this recipe, IMPOSSIBLE. Put this tenderloin bathing in marinade into a 350 degree oven.

Put a pot of water to boil for your orzo, or whatever kind of rice shaped pasta you got. Salt this water heavily. While this water is coming to a boil slice up some cherry tomatoes and pull out some shredded Asiago cheese. You can use whatever cheese you like. You can shred your own or buy it shredded. But I don't recommend parm for this one, it is too salty and strong. Something milder. Manchego would be good as well. Once your water boils, cook your orzo, drain it and toss it with the tomatoes and cheese. There are not even rough amounts in this part of the recipe because you should just use whatever you like. If you are a tomato fiend do a ton of tomato. If you are on a diet use less cheese. It's whatever you like. Once you toss this just leave it out in the bowl and let it get to room temperature.

Once you have set aside your orzo you can start the brussels sprouts. Don't try to overlap this task because you needed that 20 minutes to go by so that the tenderloin can cook. Take your brussels sprouts and slice them in half. Toss them into a big pan, not pot, and put about a centimeter of water in there. Turn the heat up to high and wait for this baby to boil. If you have a lid big enough cover this bad boy and it takes half the time. These brussels sprouts are steaming in the water, so after a couple minutes once they start boiling take a spoon and toss them around to make sure the steam evenly on all sides. As the water starts to boil out and the pan dries up check one of the sprouts and see if it is close to done. If they are almost the way you like them then good for you, if they are still hard add more water and let them keep steaming until they are almost perfect. Add water a little at a time because for the last step you want the pan to be almost dry. Once you think they are done and the pan is dry toss in a couple spoonfulls or big splashes of soy sauce. Toss all the sprouts around and the soy sauce will sponge up into all the little interior layers and then start to caramelize as it cooks. YUM! These are so good I usually make way way way too many in hopes of saving them and then they all get eaten.

So, turn your sprout heat off and lid the pan so that they stay warm. Hopefully you have been attentive to your onions this whole time even though I haven't reminded you. I mean come on! You're a bid kid now, do I really have to remind you to do everything?? Oh yeah, don't forget about your tenderloin. Your onions should be cooked down by now and you can scoot them over to one side of the pan.

All eyes turn to the tenderloin. Pull it out of the oven and set it down. If you got a tiny tenderloin then it is done now, if you got a beefed up hormone injected tenderloin than there is an extra step. Let the meat sit for 5-10 minutes, and pour the liquid into the pan with the onions, kick the heat up a notch. Either way, after the meat sits for 5-10 minutes you can now slice your tenderloin into medallions. If the meat is slightly pinkish in the center of your slices it is cooked perfectly... this will be the smaller tenderloins. If it is very pink and raw looking throughout the center you got a big momma and you will need to toss your slices into the pan with the cooking liquid and onions for a hot second. This is really easy, all you do is through the slices in and cook them for 1 minute on each side. Either method leads to perfectly cooked, juicy pork.

To plate the pork lay it on the plate drizzle some of the reduced marinade over it with a spoon and top that with caramelized onion. Plate up your sprouts and your orzo and tah dah! Dinner for all your monkeys.

Please excuse all typos, it has been so long since i posted that i just want to through this up there.

Fuji Apple Jalapeño Pork Tenderloin with Caramelized Spanish Onion, Caprese Orzo and Soy Brussel Sprouts... recipe/shananigans to follow

Homemade Apple Juice & Pork Tenderloin

I accidentally made homemade apple juice yesterday and it was the most genius thing I have ever done. I had bought a bunch of fruit to blend up and put in Syd's new super fantastic rocket-pop molds. The bag of organic Fuji apples was a steal at $5 so I went for it. Now, as you may or may not know, you really don't need much liquid to make a popsicle. So, after I had made 3 different fruit concoctions I was left with about 5 apples. I was also left with raspberries and pineapple, but I will eat those. Oddly, the idea of just eating an apple is not one that I am too fond of. I love the flavor of apple, but I never just eat them whole. Realistically, these 5 apples were going to sit in my fridge until they became brown, mushy and altogether vile.

I threw caution to the wind and chopped them up, threw them in the blender with some water and voila... apple juice. I left the blender on for a good while to liquefy it and added even more water during the process. When I poured it into a glass it tasted like watery apple juice. But i thought to myself great! less sugar and more water for Syd. But then something magical happened, this fabulous juice sat in my fridge for an hour or so. Amazingly it oxidized into that fabulous dark brown color of real apple juice and got significantly sweeter. It is SOOOOOO freakin' yummy, it should be illegal for me to post this.

Even Mr. Chris said it was good, and he likes to mock my organic eating, home made fruit juice making butt, but even he was convinced on this one. I will tell yall one thing, for me to convince him that organic or homemade is better, I usually also have to make it cheaper too. So if you are reading this thinking that I'm some crunchy momma who has money to burn on fancy ingredients and overpriced organic non-sense you are way past wrong. The trick to it all is less ingredients and less steps. The closer it is to its original state the better and the more affordable. Also, knowing when organic makes a difference and when it doesn't. My one biggest thing is dairy. Please, all 13 people who read this, switch to organic dairy. All that means is milk, cheese and butter. You won't break the bank, but you will benefit greatly. All toxins and medications (the hormones & antibiotics that they give cows) are stored in the fat cells. The same fat cells they make your butter, milk and cheese from. You can get organic butter, milk and cheese in nearly every grocery store these days. It's one tiny change, don't fight it.

Ok, and for all those people that I totally freaked out by my orange cheese rant, I have good news. If you look on the back of your cheese packaging and the coloring ingredient is annatto, then you are safe. Annatto is an all natural coloring made from the pulp around the seed of the achiote plant. If you do not see annatto it is artificially colored, period. Sorry for not including this is the original post, wink wink.

Any who, so what did I do with all this fantastic apple juice you ask. I let little Miss Sydney drink it and I marinate my pork tenderloin in it. Pork tenderloin marinade goes a little like this. Pork tenderloin goes into zip lock bag, then pour enough apple juice in to cover it. Grate 3 garlic cloves into the bag and one half a jalapeño, or a whole jalapeño if you are feeling saucy! Ole! Cracked black pepper, a splash of olive oil and a splash of vinegar go in that baby as well. Get all the air out and then zip it up and fridge it. Put it in a bowl in case later that night you are sleep walking with a toothpick and you accidentally poke a hole in the bag. Now you feel like a genius because all that raw pork marinade is in the bowl and not all over your fridge. You genius sleepwalker you. Yes I marinated mine over night, but if you only have 30 minutes that is ok too.

Now if you want the rest of the pork tenderloin recipe you gotta read the next post, because I still have to go home and make that bad boy. I just marinated him last night. Twenty bucks says my apple juice will be even better today than it was yesterday. Sweeeeet!

My personal favorite - My own "Tuna Noodle Casserole" - Herein lies the Orange Cheese Rant

I could honestly eat this every single day, but I just don't eat that much tuna.

Bow-tie pasta. If you are one of those unfortunate souls that chooses to continue to read my crazy blog you will eventually find out that I am a stickler for many things, random things, not things that make any kind of sense to anyone else. I do not follow recipes, I do not care if you put 8 or 10 eggs in your dish, I do not believe the hype about measuring everything to a T just because you are baking it. I do not own measuring spoons, that's right no measuring spoons for me. I had a set of porcelain ones that were given to me as a gift, broke 'em (I mean come on, porcelain?) and never replaced them. If you use milk instead of heavy cream so be it. Salted butter instead of sweet butter, whatever! So if there is something that I do become crazy about, you gotta cut me a little slack.

Bow-tie pasta. This dish actually tastes better with bow-tie pasta than with any other pasta. Just trust me. Or don't trust me, make it seven times, feed it to your friends in a blind taste test and then come back and tell me which one won. Or don't tell me, I already know. Bow-tie pasta.

Boil your bow-tie pasta in salty water. How salty you ask? Add what amount of salt you feel is appropriate and then double it, that is how salty. While your water is coming to a boil/pasta is cooking here is the list of what you need to prepare.

Shred a bunch of cheddar cheese. Here is my pontification on cheddar cheese. Do you know that America is one of the few places with orange cheddar cheese? It is not because our fancy American cows have orange milk though. It is because we dye our cheese. Yup, that's right, we dye it. Why? No good reason. In fact the dye is bad for you, it causes inflammation in the connective tissues in your body. Kraft uses Yellow #5, as do many other companies. Oh wait, let me correct myself, they took out yellow #5 in all products shipping to Europe or Australia because their governments/markets demanded it. Can I put this into perspective for a moment? BP, the now infamous oil company, did not employ safety measures that it uses offshore all over Europe in the Gulf. Were these measures mandatory offshore in Europe? Nope, they just did it out of the kindness of their hearts. But here in the good ole US of A, no extra safety measures, just catastrophic oil spills. Would those safety measures have stopped this spill? Who knows? Maybe, maybe not. Still kind of a stab in the back a little though. So does yellow #5 give your kid autism, ADHD, arthritis? Who knows? But at least it's not giving it to kids in Europe and Australia, thank god!

Kay, I'm done.

So shred up some cheddar cheese. If you use orange at least use organic so that natural dyes are being used.

Here is the hilarious part. Open up a can of tuna. Why on earth would a girl that goes psycho about orange cheese and yellow #5 tell you to open up a mercury ridden can of tuna? I pick and choose my battles. I eat cheese WAY more than I eat tuna, so it matters more. Drain your tuna and set aside.

Pull out some milk and butter. Ummm... maybe two big hunks of butter. I was gonna say pats of butter, but go big. As for the milk, somewhere between a short glass and a tall glass. Pull out some frozen peas. You can also use frozen edamame, yum.

Once your noodles have been cooking for a bit but are still kinda tough throw in the peas. Cook your noodles to al dente aka you still have to use your teeth to chew them. Drain you pasta pea mixture. Best way to do this: Suit up with oven mits, put the lid on the pot and hold it in place while you tilt the pot over in the sink. You may lose a noodle, but you won't have to wash a colander. Return pot to stove, put on low heat, add butter and milk. Stir until melted. Add tons of cheese and tuna. Stir it up till everything is melty and sticky. Add a ton of cracked black pepper, a tiny bit of salt to taste and whatever else you can come up with.

Some additions that I use if I have them:

Parm cheese - careful of the saltiness when you do this.

Sour cream

Yogurt

Different veggies - just make sure you time it right so they can cook all the way in the water

Shredded chicken instead of tuna

Other types of cheese

halved cherry tomatoes

Serve it up! This seriously should not take you more than 15 minutes. If it does, let me know and I will come over and fix you.

Kisses!

Just sharing some old food pics

Here are some food pics of things I have done in the past. It is not food from this blog, because I honestly don't have my kick ass friend Paula stalking me with a camera. All of these dishes were self-invented by yours truly, no recipes involved. It would be a major work of mental strength to try and remember how I did some of these recipes, but maybe if I get some free time one day (ha!) I will be able to recreate them on this blog.

I promise to try to remember to take photos of what I cook. I will put my camera in the kitchen. Just got to save up some money for ingredients these days. :-) Seriously, if anyone wants me to cook for them you can pay me in extra ingredients that I can take home with me!

Fruit tart as served, whole tart is pictured below.

Spiraled zucchini about to get sauced, ow ow!

Plum and Heirloom tomato salad, so simple and so amazingly perfect.

Homemade pumpkin ravioli with crispy shallots and brown butter sage sauce. Side salad with roasted beats and fresh goat cheese. Kind of looks like a hot mess, but tastes sooo yummy.

Chocolate soufflé with raspberry and fresh whipped cream

Homemade lobster ravioli with shallot and leak over asparagus puree with shaved white cheddar (the only cheddar worth eating).

Fresh fruit tart, mmmm... this is so good and so simple

Baked halibut, over thai-peanut zucchini "noodles" and coconut forbidden rice. :-)

Fresh calamari, battered in almond flour and pan seared with asian dipping sauce. Gluten free baby!

Tuna noodle casserole

Everyone hates tuna noodle casserole. I have a stovetop version that is delicious. I'm not even lying, delicious. Takes like 15 minutes to make, mmmmm....

You will just have to wait.

Green Eggs and Ham

This is one is awesome!!! I discovered this on accident.

Hard boil some eggs. If you don't know how to hard boil an egg, don't worry, you are not alone. Here it is... put enough water in a pot to cover the eggs, put in the eggs, put on the stove, turn on heat. Simple right? Wait, you aren't done yet. Once the water comes to a rolling boil, continue cooking for 10 minutes. To be completely honest I have never in my life timed the eggs, I wing it every time. I never even test my eggs, I just guess the time and hope for the best. Hasn't failed me yet. Thus, you will be fine, I swear. When you pull them off the stove put the pot in the sink and run cold water over it for a good minute or so to stop the cooking. Just let this sit in the sink in cold water while you do the rest.

Put some frozen peas into a microwave safe dish, add a little water and microwave for 1 minute. Drain the peas and put onto a cutting board. Get a sharp knife, preferably a wide one and chop up the peas as finely as you can. Don't get all stressed out about this, just take your aggression out on the peas. Then chop up some thinly sliced deli ham, I like honey baked, but use whatever you got.

Now the eggs should have cooled. Peel and rough chop em. Toss eggs, peas and ham into a bowl, add a pinch of salt (not much, the ham is already salty) and a big pinch of fresh cracked black pepper. If you like add a tiny squeeze of mayo and mustard, I do this on a case by case basis. If my egg yolks are on the softer side they do the trick for moisture, however if they come out on the dryer side I add mayo and mustard.

Stir all this together and feed to your kids, yourself, your dogs. It is super cool looking and super yummy. This version of green eggs and ham was discovered as an accident of poverty, but I love it to death.

Sorry this one took so long - Ice Cream Ice Cream Ice Cream

Homemade ice cream, there is nothing like it. Go buy an ice cream machine. You don't have to get a fancy one, the cheap ones from Walmart work fine. I don't have the kind where you freeze the bowl, with mine you use ice and rock salt and it works like a charm. Stop reading right now, go buy one and then come back. Go now!

All you have to do to make ice cream is make a custard, a thin custard. You put whatever you want in it. It is so much fun. So I decided that since I have yellow cake and strawberries that the missing flavor is chocolate. This is my first time making chocolate ice cream, but really, how hard can it be?

Two parts to this recipe. Melt the cocoa powder into half n half on the stove. I would say about 1 cup of cocoa powder and 1 cup of half n half. Stir it over medium heat until it melts together. You don't have to cook it, just get it to combine. Soon as it does add 3 more cups of half n half. You can also add some heavy cream if you want it to be richer. Go big or go home. Full-fat is good. And anyway all that low-fat and skim milk people drink is higher in sugar, which clearly goes against everyone's strict aversion to carbs these days. I'll tell you what, I'm going to invent the new diet. Eat whatever you want, whenever you want, but only eat what you can fit in the palm of your hands. Consider your hands to be your god given measuring cups. I'm calling it the Hand Diet. You heard it here first, anyone who copies me is clearly stealing. I'm gonna be a millionaire.

Ok, back to my ice cream. Once you add the rest of the cream cook it over medium heat until little bubbles form around the edge of the pot. Stir frequently so you don't get a burnt layer of chocolate on the bottom of your pot. Once you have bubbles turn off the heat and let the mixture rest. Dance across your kitchen until you locate your eggs. I usually keep mine in the fridge, but if store yours in your laundry basket far be it for me to tell you otherwise. Get 8 - 9 egg yolks separated out. Add a cup of sugar and whisk vigorously until they are pale yellow and all the sugar is blended in. Now pour in a little splash of your chocolate cream mixture in while whisking. Keep doing this in little bits until you get all the chocolate mixed into the eggs. Go slowly! If you dump all that hot liquid straight into your eggs you will scramble them and have chocolate breakfast instead of ice cream. Once it is all stirred up pour it all back into the pot and heat over medium heat while stirring constantly with a wooden spoon. A wooden spoon, a spoon a made of wood, a piece of wood carved into a spoon like shape. If you stir with anything else the custard gods will rain down sorrow upon you, or maybe that is just a rumor. Heat over medium heat constantly stirring until it thickens a bit and coats the back of your spoon. Take is off the heat and set aside to cool for a bit.

Once you have let this cool the real magic begins. Add a dash of vanilla extract, a bigger dash of lemon extract and a slightly bigger dash of almond extract. All extracts should be alcohol free. Stir this up with your handy-dandy wooden spoon. Following the instructions on your swanky new ice cream machine pour your scrumptious chocolate mixture in and run until it is the consistency of soft gelato aka slightly melted ice cream. Then you put this in the freezer to let it harden a bit, but not too much. Maybe 30 minutes to an hour.

Yummmmmmm...

Now eat it all at once, ALL OF IT!! :-)

Let em eat cake!

Why hello there. So I see that you are stalking me. That is always nice. Well, since you have come here I will at least give you something to read. The last big cooking event in my life was Syd's birthday last Sunday. We have been fabulously broke since then so no groceries = no real cooking this week. Except my tuna noodle dish, which may sound gross, but i'm telling you you will never look at tuna and noodles and cringe ever again once you try it. Anyway, back to da burfday. I wanted to do a lot of food, fresh food because it is swarthy hot down here in nola. Mmmmm... nuttin like some swarthy heat to make you not want hot food at all. Here is La Menu De Syd:

Fresh cut fruit - pineapple, cantaloupe, strawberry, watermelon.
Tomato, basil, buffalo mozzarella skewers
Feta, Basil and Tomato salad over baby spinach with fresh lemon dressing
Strawberry orange layered butter cake with whipped citrus zest topping
Homemade Italian Chocolate Ice Cream
Lemon Iced Tea

Sydney was so excited to eat all this food that she slept through most of her party. Sweet!

The fresh cut fruit is relatively self-explanatory. The watermelon we left the rind on, which was the hubs suggestion because he wanted it to be easy for the kids at the partay to hold. This was a fabulous point but I would have left it on anyway. Watermelon is one of the most visually appealing fruits out there. It is constantly copied on toys, clothing, designs. There is something about the vibrant pink, the white and green border and the speckling of black seeds that is really just amazing. I don't buy seedless watermelon and I won't cut off the rind. Nature made it perfect the way it is.

All the other fruit was simply chopped up and served. Mmmmmm...

The tomato basil skewers are a sinch as well. I took a tooth pick, popped on a grape tomato (cherry tomatoes are too big for bite size), added a folded leaf of fresh basil and then popped on a bite size ball of fresh mozzarella. I will tell you a secret that I have discovered. I know everyone thinks Whole Foods is ridiculously expensive, well you're wrong. Your local grocery store orders many "gourmet foods" in small quantities which means they do not receive the discounts that Whole Foods receives and they only carry one brand. Fresh Mozzarella is the perfect example of this. A tub of bite size mozzarella balls at my local grocer is between 5 and 7 bucks. Whole Food has their own house brand, is always fully in stock, has bigger tubs and they are only $2.99 a piece. I also found this to be true for baby food. Nature's Best Organic baby food was $1.43 per jar at Rouses an $0.89 at Whole Food. AND at whole food if you buy 12 or more jars of any combination it is considered a case and you get another 10% off. Two cartons of free-range eggs, 18 eggs each are $4. That's right $4 for 36 eggs. So there you go. Pay attention to the price of things. Don't just assume that since you are at Whole Foods you are getting ripped off or since you are at cheapo grocery that you are actually paying less.

Moooooo-ving on. Now you have skewers. If you couldn't find bite size balls, you can always just get a big one and cut it into cubes. But please, WHATEVER you do, do not buy "fresh mozzarella" that is not sitting in water. If the cheese is not actually sitting in water it is not fresh and it is not the same cheese. I made these skewers the night before, laid them out on a tray and covered them with a wet cloth so that they wouldn't dry out in the fridge. Right before you serve them sprinkle with fresh cracked pepper and sea salt, liberally. Oh, and please don't forget to take off the cloth before you do this.

What I haven't mentioned is that I did these skewers at 3:30am while I was baking the cake's layers and macerating the fruit. Here is how this went. Buy a box of cake mix, I like yellow butter cake. If you want to get creative with homemade cake mixes go right ahead, I would call you crazy. Unless you have formal baking training you have no idea what you are doing. So why are you wasting your time? Buy the mix in the box and get creative with layers, toppings, add-ons, icings, etc. WAY more manageable for the average creative person. However, if you want to sit at home and try to figure out if your cake would be better if your ratio of baking soda to buttermilk to egg yolk to water were slightly different, be my guest. I will be over here eating my delicious cake and laughing at you. So I bake 3 round layers for the cake by following the directions on the box. I buy two boxes, make all the mix and then ration it out. I have some batter left over, don't overfill your cake pans or it won't cook evenly. Throwing away of cup of cake batter is not the worst thing you have done in your, you will be fine. I bake my layers one at a time. Yes this is time consuming, but I am not rich yet and I do not have a super awesome convection oven. I rent my home and although my oven is new it is cheap and heats unevenly like most ovens. If you shove 3 cake pans into the oven in all sorts of different locations your cooking time will be off and your cakes will cook unevenly. Be patient and cook each cake in the same position at the center of the oven, one at a time. You bought the mix in a box, the least you could do is take the time to make it good. Unless of course you have a fabulous new convection oven. If this is the case, can I come bake at your house?? Please?

While I'm baking all these delicious cakes I also chop up 2 containers of strawberries and 2 oranges. My dogs love this because Iverson's favorite snack is strawberry tops. I cut the skin and the pith off the orange, then go in and slice each section out so that all you have is the meat of the orange, no white stuff, non membrane. These slices go in a big bowl with the strawberries and then squeeze the left over floppy orange to get the juice. the orange juice begins to break down the strawberries and they taste scrumptious together. Now you make a simple syrup. One cup water and one cup sugar into a pot and onto the stove. Warm it up until is melts and combines completely. As soon as it is one homogenous liquid, cut the heat and let it sit to cool.

Run around baking and pouring and checking with toothpicks. OH! Here is my most fun piece of advice. Undercook everything you bake. People always bake until something 'looks' done. If you are baking cookies, cakes, brownies, etc. and they look done that means you just burnt them. All of these things will continue to cook once you pull them out of the oven and form a more solid texture once they cool. When they say that a tooth pick should "come out clean" they do not mean completely clean. It means clean of anything WET. If there are crumbs on it that is fine, even moist crumbs. You just don't want wet batter. Seriously, every single time I make brownies I undercook them even more than my other baking items. Whenever I make them everyone insists that I make the best brownies and they hoard them. I absolutely do not make the best brownies. I make Betty Crocker brownies, I add a bit of lemon extract, a pinch of sea salt and splash of cold coffee to the batter and I always under cook them. I put them in the fridge which causes the undercooked batter to take on a fudge-like texture. Try it one day. People will worship you.

Now that your simple syrup has cooled, pour it over the fruit. Zest two lemons into this as well. Take a hand held potato masher and go at it. Mush up the fruit so that it is broken down, but still a bit chunky. Put this aside and let it sit. This ia actually the point where you would make your skewers. As your cakes come out of the oven and cool it is time to cut the tops off. Take a big bread knife (if you don't have one of these you shouldn't be baking anyway) and slice off the top of the cake, the whole top. You cake will come out of the oven with a bit of a dome shape and you want it to be flat. AND you want to expose the inner spongy part so that it absorbs the fruit syrup. Don't freak out if it is not perfectly straight and even, it will work itself out. Place your first layer on the plate/platter that you will serve the cake on. Drizzle the mashed up fruit over the top, all the way to edges. Use half the fruit, but only as mush syrup as needed to coat the whole surface, but not over soak the cake, you will turn it to mush. Top with another layer and repeat. Use all the fruit in these two layers, because you will put syrup on the top but not more fruit. I usually end up with left over syrup, so don't worry if it's not exact, it really shouldn't be. What I end up doing is putting all the left over cake tops into tupperware and then drizzling any leftover syrup/fruit over this. Then if someone needs to leave before tasting the cake, they can steal a bite out of the tupperware. Or, you can just sit on your butt and eat it the next day. Once you have assembled the cake cover it. I use a big upside down mixing bowl. Put it in the fridge for at least a few hours, preferably over night.

The icing for this cake is whipped cream and you don't make it until right before you serve it. I use an old skool electric mixer. Whipping cream with a whisk by hand is mind numbing. Add orange and lemon zest. You don't even need to sweeten the cream. The cake is so sweet that no one will even be able to tell. I would say whip up two pints of cream to be safe. Add a couple big pinches of Cream of Tartar to the whipped cream. All this does is help the whipped cream maintain it's texture. Take a spatula or a butter knife and slather this stuff on your cake like it is going out of style. Start on the top and then move down the sides until you have covered every inch of the cake with a thick layer of whipped cream. This is not the time to be shy, if you do a thin layer it will get all mixed up with crumbs and not look nearly as cool. Be generous. Tah Dah! Now you have a super delicious gourmet birthday cake.

Alright, again I am sleepy. The ice cream and other recipes will have to wait until tomorrow. I apologize for all typos, i'm not even gonna spell check this bad boy.

Syd's Birthday

I swear I will write again soon. I have to pontificate on Syd's birthday cake fiesta. So tired... must procrastinate....

Belated Bolognese

This will be a short one, since I also have to do one for the cooking hurricane that was Sydney Bear's first birthday. This bolognese was made in roughly 15 - 20 minutes one morning as lunch for me and Chris.

I'm up in the AM with Sydneister and completely motivated to cook something that I consider acceptable after eating frozen pizza for dinner the night before. But Carly, you say, how can you make pasta bolognese BEFORE work? Magic. One BIG pan, with high sides ( I have an awesome one and it is worth the investment, trust me) and one medium pot. I am not one of those people that will tell you that you need a huge pasta pot, or even just a big pot where all the pasta can move around. Typically if I am cooking pasta I am also cooking something else on the stove and I don't have room for all these huge pots. So I cook my pasta in a tiny pot with oil and salt water and just stir it frequently to make sure it doesn't stick. Easier to clean a little pot as well. (Side note added later - Rachel Ray, if you come up with one more pot specifically for 1 type of food I will kick you butt in 30 minutes or less).

In my big pan I put a pound of ground turkey. I use dark meet because the light meat is so lean that it seizes up into little pieces of card board when you cook it. Add a good amount of salt and pepper to the meat and let it brown up. Now I fill my little pot with water, a big splash of olive oil and a big big big pinch of salt, or maybe I would be better to describe it as a small dump of salt. Bring this to a boil.

Now back to my happy little ground up turkey. Once this bad boy is brown I dump in a jar of Vodka Sauce. Yup, a pre-made jar of sauce and it kind of breaks my heart, but here is why. I used to religiously make my own pasta sauce. And I mean religiously in the fanatical sense. It was so simple and I never even looked at the pre-made stuff. And then, on a very sad day, I was educated to the fact the canned tomatoes that I was using for this sauce contained artificial estrogen. The stuff they line the cans with to keep the metal from reacting with the acid in the tomatoes has BPA in it. Funny though, they are lining something toxic with something even more toxic? Thank god tomato acids don't react with BPA. Oh wait, they do! Super!! That little tidbit just really made my sauce making day. So I started a mission to come up with the perfect tomato sauce made from fresh tomatoes. I have done good ones, but not one that replaces the traditional sauce. Until I perfect it, tomato sauce in glass jars only for me. And just in case you think I am crazy, this is from the BPA Material Safety Data Sheet...

S46 If swallowed, seek medical advice immediately and show this container or label.

Toxicology
Causes severe eye irritation. Possible risk that this material may impair fertility.

Just sayin...

Anywho! So I dump vodka sauce onto my cooked up turkey, but now I am in a dilemma!! How do I make it taste like homemade sauce? Here is my trick. I get about 5-6 garlic cloves, peeled but whole and throw them in the sauce right away. They boil down and become delicious in and of themselves. It's fine it you smash em with something to get the skins off. They don't NEED to be whole, just don't waste your time chopping anything, Garlic in, next balsamic vinegar. I am really horrible with measurements and temperatures and blah blah blah. Splash the vinegar into the sauce in one spot until you have what you would assume to be a puddle of vinegar about the size of a golf ball sliced in half. Make sense? I also tossed in a pinch of red pepper flakes and a mound, yes a mound, of parmesan cheese. Oh, and a splash of olive oil for good measure. This is an italian dish and there is no such thing as not adding olive oil every step of the way. But don't tell the italians, I use spanish olive oil. Oh snap!

I proceed to take myself and Syderoo out to the planters to pick basil, bout a handful. Smells delish and I am always tempted to just throw it in right then and there, but don't. Check your water, should have begun boiling by now. Throw in your pasta. Anything but spaghetti. Get a fun shape. The best ones taste wise are the ones that are tubular or curly. They hold sauce really well. The ones I get look like big macaronis with mohawks. As your pasta cooks let your sauce simmer so that the vinegar and cheese and garlic all permeate into the meat. The sauce thickens up a bit so add some of the pasta water to keep it loose. That's right keep your sauce loose. But don't keep it loose from the beginning. If you let it simmer down then all the flavors concentrate and then you add water to thin it back out, but now the sauce has a whole new flavor. I told you this was magic.

Pasta is done boiling and it is al dente. I don't care who you are or how you like your pasta, it is done when it is al dente. If you or anyone you know every tries to give me a plate of mushy pasta a part of me dies inside. And so does a puppy, you really want that on your conscience? I'm kidding! No puppies were harmed in the making of this dish. Take a slotted spoon or a spider in my case and scoop your pasta out of the water and straight into the sauce pan. Now is the perfect time to add the basil. Grab it in your palm and squeeze it, then tear it up with your fingers straight into the pot. The heat and oils in your hands begin a chemical reaction in the basil that brings out the flavor. Whenever you can, use your hands as tools over a utensil. Toss you lettuce with your hands instead of salad tongs, break things apart with your hands instead of your knife, eat with your hands. I don't care if you aren't sentimental about cooking with your hands, it's chemistry. Your body temperature and body chemistry actually enhance the flavor of your food. Hence, everything made by hand in a small mill/farm/kitchen tastes better than its mass produced counter part. What, you thought it was the 'love' it was made with?? Nope, straight up body chemistry. And maybe a little love. :-)

Stir up your pasta and sauce for a minute or so over medium-low heat to get the sauce to absorb into the pasta. Turn off the heat and serve, or put into tupperware for later. Now if you went back and deleted all of my rants and nonsense, this would have been a 10 sentence post. This recipe is easier than boiling an egg.